Posted by S. Glover on

Afterthought

For Papasanđź’›
Cool and Collected
Always Airborne

"Words of the wise, spoken quietly, should be heard. Rather than the shout of a ruler of fools. Wisdom is better than weapons of war; But one sinner destroys much good." - Ecclesiastes 9:17-18

While I leave my pieces open to interpretation and the inner stirring they may bring to take you on your own journey of (self)discovery after reading them, I am adding this afterthought as I intentionally touch on the delicate subject of the manosphere (see Sorry, not sorry).

The manosphere draws upon existing fears. It is for that reason that I wonder about the level of participation, moreover the reach of the manosphere, as it takes everyday biases and magnifies them to misogynist extremes. This extremity does not mean these biases are to be ignored, or that non extremist do not lean towards behavioral similarities. These biases still persist and have social and economic impact, sending us in a downward spiral away from progress, away from evolution.

Every action is a reaction, and the same goes for the manosphere. What these groups share is a fixation on women and feminism as the cause of men’s personal and social problems. It happens when people with power and privilege see improvements in equality and inclusiveness as a loss of status, and thus a personal attack on themselves.

This is where I touch on the unattended dynamics—the personal and social problems men struggle with, and what would happen should they take a closer look at them. If they held up a mirror and endeavored on a journey of personal development to constructively tackle their stirrings, they would discover what truly lies at the heart of their problems. Perception would shift, and alternative actions would follow. This is not only for the betterment of society, but also as an improvement for them personally, turning their personal and social challenges into growth.

We have a natural tendency to transfer blame. All it takes is for somebody to stand out a little bit, and this starts the process of scapegoating. Once a group or person has been identified as problematic, it makes it easier for a second, third, and fourth person to believe in the guilt of the scapegoat. People create scapegoats when there is a fundamental truth they don't want to acknowledge, relating to their faults or responsibilities. Thus, a person or a society can transfer all the blame on them, eliminate them, and imagine that all their problems are gone. People do it because it feels cathartic, creating a deceptive realistic view for themselves, only to fall deeper in the entrapment of their dynamics. There are healthier, more constructive ways to deal with your insecurities and immaturity. Because the hate has to stop. It’s getting us nowhere. It’s getting you nowhere.

From my point of view, we all have a responsibility to turn this around—to address these personal and social problems, to guide those who are struggling, to initiate dialogue, and to take part in a shared solution.

This does not have to be a heavy debate. It can start with a simple question:

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

Allow space for someone to step back to reflect, allow understanding as to why they’re making such extreme leaps, try to find the root cause, and offer to share your perspective in finding mutual ground through a common-sense approach. It is often shortsightedness that limits and thus hinders one’s potential, one’s outlook. A shortsightedness driven by fear. 

And most certainly not all men consider themselves part of the manosphere, but an occasional sanity check never hurts. Ask yourself which biases you hold, question why, what if, and wonder. Bring your findings into the broader discussion, not only with men, but also with women. It’s not always about what society can do for you, but what you can do for society, for humanity, for human rights. Why not attach your status to that?

Be the change you want to see.




About the Author

After 2020 rewrote my life when medical challenges brought my professional career to a close, I shifted focus to a purpose-driven life. Now dedicated to personal development and reflective expression, I believe that while we don't always choose our opening lines, we always hold the pen for the chapters that follow.