Spellbound
Startled, I breathed in, and time halted to mark the importance of the moment. He was staring out of the window, not noticing my brief disarray. Or maybe he did, equally not knowing what this spellbound drift in the air meant. It was larger than me. It was larger than both of us.
Something ancient had awoken, transcending time and space, breathing a soft sigh of homecoming in my ear. An intoxicating spell, amplifying a silent void. A cosmic spell, belonging to a higher adherence. A natural high to perfect buoyancy. I could let go and float freely, carelessly. How was this possible? Nothing made sense, and yet everything made sense. Looking back, it might have been a forebode. Looking back, it might have been what got me through it all.
He had blown in on a gust of wind one day. Or so it seemed at the time. Halfway through the door, leaning on one leg, I hadn't noticed him until his "Hello" pulled me out of my thoughts. How had I not heard the door open?
I looked up in a conditioned courtesy, only to turn back just as quickly to open my mailbox. My assessment was quick; an investigative glance he instantly hid behind a smile when our eyes met. The mid-motion, wavering stance, that could almost pass for casualness, had it not been for his upper body turned towards me in confidence. Dark blue overcoat, loosely open. Underneath, a business suit. Curly brown hair that, considering the business suit, was due for a cut sometime soon. Something he had not come around to. Brown eyes that—behind the smile—had hidden a certain knowing, a certain concern. Nothing really there to ‘flag’. Yet something was definitely telling me to stay in the moment.
I lingered, caught in the rotation of my thoughts, somewhat alarmed, distracted, hoping he would move on. He didn’t. He waited patiently, still halfway through the door, in anticipation to engage in conversation, leaving me no choice. It was getting awkward, so I started moving toward the elevators, staring at the envelopes in my hands, avoiding encouragement. He moved quickly to stay in sync with me.
He stepped into the elevator with me, initiating small talk. I didn't make an effort to remember his name, consumed by my thoughts, tapping into the signals my body was giving me. Staring at the elevator doors, I saw him suppress a smile in the blurred reflection when I offered only my first name in response to his introduction.
Reaching my floor, I was just about to step off when he stepped out with me. Bold, too bold — I froze, annoyed and uneasy, my back noticeably straightening, my eyes pulling into a slight squint. I waited to see in which direction he would go, only to watch him move one door down. He paused, holding the door ajar, looking over his shoulder, his eyes slightly downward, before looking up and straight at me.
"Nice to meet you. You should come by for coffee sometime. Whenever you like. It's always nice to get acquainted." His tone was sincere, accompanied with a stern look, hiding nothing, showing everything. A split second of vulnerability, of honesty, of courage.
We could talk for hours, gravitating around each other like the moon around the sun. We’d finish each other's sentences, laugh at the same jokes. Rainy days were filled with sunlight, overcast days with lightness. We found a welcome escape from reality, drowning in the other's eyes. Invigorating, headspinning. Everything seemed possible, just for a little while. Time stood still, until it didn’t.
I knew it was him even before he had turned around. I stood there, looking at him, waiting for the current inside me to subside. Years had passed. Much had happened. Maybe too much had happened.
As he turned and saw me standing there, his sharp gaze went soft, relaxing his face into a smile of playfulness and mischief. He surrendered to the sight of me, his hands in the pockets of his drenched overcoat. His hair was longer, rain dripped from his face. He was leaning on one leg as if halted mid-motion.
“Hey beautiful.”